No Longer I, But Christ
Pastor Linus Lau (A.D. 2000)
I praise and thank the Lord Jesus, who has saved me from my sins. Ever
since my Good Shepherd called me by my name and I heard His voice ten years
ago, I have come to know His voice and have been following Him. Not only did He
call me out of my darkness into His marvelous light, but He also put a
tremendous burden in my heart to proclaim the gospel to lost souls, especially
to my kinsmen. What really broke my heart was the fact that while one out of
five people on earth is Chinese, only one out of twenty Christians belongs to
my race. I wept, and I answered the call: “Here am I, send me.” So now I have
this ‘fire in the bones.’ I am an ambassador for Christ. I am a steward for the
Master. I am a servant of the Lord.
Yet I face my ministry with fear and trembling. I often question my
calling, especially when I fail and fall. The carnal life that I led for over
forty years dies hard. Will I be one of those who preach to others, while they
themselves become disqualified? On that day, will the Lord deny that He ever
knew me? Spurgeon’s words of warning really haunt me: “To be lost under the
shadow of a pulpit is dreadful, but how much more so to perish from the pulpit
itself!” And, “Whatever ‘call’ a man may pretend to have, if he has not been
called to holiness, he certainly has not been called to the ministry.”
And so, I have made it my number one priority to be holy, even as my
Father in heaven is holy. By the power of the Spirit, I must learn to live a
life that abides in Christ (John 15:4), and continues to live in Him, and is
rooted and built up in Him (Col. 2: 6,7). It must be a crucified (Gal. 2:20)
and yet a risen life (Col. 3:1). It must be a hidden (Col. 3:3) and yet a
displayed life (1 Cor. 4:9). It must be a life that walks in the Spirit (Gal.
5:25), is led by the Spirit (Gal. 5:18), and is strengthened by the Spirit
(Eph. 3:16). It must be a life made complete in every good work to do His will,
for His glory forever and ever. Amen (Heb. 13:21).
And so, my first and foremost responsibility is, as Baxter puts it, “Take
heed to myself,” for the congregation can rise only as high as their pastor. I
must model godliness with my life. May the Lord consecrate me now for His
service.
In order to walk closely with the Lord, I must devote myself daily to
prayer and the study of the word. I must study the Bible daily, not just for
the purpose of teaching and preaching, but also for submitting to, obeying, and
living the word of God. I must follow a systematic approach, resolving to read
through the whole Bible at least once a year, while studying in depth selected
passages and books. I will make use of all the tools I have acquired in
seminary, always “rightly dividing the word of truth” by the light from above.
I will continue to build up my library for ministry. I will discipline
myself to reading at least two books a month, one spiritual and one secular. I
must keep my intellectual and spiritual sharpness so that I can be in the best
condition to serve. I will also keep up with the latest trends and thoughts, so
that I will be able to make a meaningful connection between the two worlds –
the biblical and the modern.
In my prayer life, I will focus on God’s agenda, not mine. I will
discipline myself to spend more time in praise, confession, and thanksgiving. I
will learn to fast, to learn the art of self-denial, and to practice the
presence of God. I will intercede for world missionaries, the church universal,
and our own church ministries. I will pray for a list of lost souls. I will
periodically pray through our church directory, asking first for spiritual
growth and maturity, and then for physical needs. I will pray daily for my wife
and my marriage. I will pray for my own spiritual needs and the needs of other
ministers. I will keep a prayer journal to record my strivings with God.
Being thus equipped with the whole armor of God, now am I ready to do
the work of a minister. The best way for me to do my job is to love the church
in the same way that our Lord loves the church: “Christ loved the church and
gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with
water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church,
without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. This is a profound mystery – but I am
talking about Christ and the church.”
And so, I must “proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all
wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ.” Someday I
must give an account of every soul that the Good Shepherd has put under my
care. And who indeed is sufficient? Left to myself, I find His sheep very
difficult to love, let alone lay down my life for them. They are stubborn,
self-willed, indifferent, self-centered, worldly, and generally unlovely and
unlovable. This is the profound mystery about which Paul was talking. Indeed,
how can God love people such as these? How can God love and use someone such as
me? Yet the Bible tells us that God has foreknown and predestined us to be
conformed to the image of His Son. In other words, though made in God’s perfect
image, we have become damaged goods, ruined by sin, and exacerbated by our own
natural, rebellious disposition. By the wonderful grace of God, we are now new
creations, recovered properties of the eternal King, who bought us with His own
blood. He loved His sheep so much that He lay down His life for them. Can I
love them less?
I must learn to always look at people through the eyes of Jesus, with
compassion, seeing them as harassed and helpless. By the light of heaven, I
must strive to see the great promise embedded within each soul. I must labor
patiently to reclaim and restore each child whom the Father has given to the
Son, so that I may present everyone perfect in Christ (Col. 1:28). That means
loving them unconditionally with all their faults. That means always exalting
the Lord Jesus Christ, holding up a vision for them of what they could become,
and holding up a vision for them of what the church could become. That means
faithfully cleansing them with the word of God, through preaching, teaching,
catechizing, counseling, and modeling.
With humility I must recognize the fact that I cannot do the ministry
alone. I must pray to the Lord of harvest to send more laborers. I must help
others discover their gifts for ministry. I must also help equip them for
ministry. In addition to providing continuing in-house leadership training, I
will also encourage them to attend appropriate conferences, seminars, and
seminary. I must work ceaselessly to build up a team of devoted
servant-leaders. I must mobilize and equip the whole congregation for the work
of ministry, so that the body of Christ may be built up.
In utter amazement, I really cannot understand why God would choose me
to do such a sacred work. But chosen I am, and now “necessity is laid upon me”
to preach the gospel. In these last few years, He has confirmed my calling by
giving me gifts to bear fruits for Him. And I continue to sharpen those skills
so that I may become an even more effective servant. Hopefully, the Spirit of
the Living God will bring me to a place where I can say, “No longer I, but
Christ.” Then perhaps with my last breath, I will be able to pray the words of
my dear Lord, “I have glorified You on the earth. I have finished the work
which You have given Me to do” (John 17:4). Amen.